To be effective leaders in the long-term, we must strive for results while simultaneously building positive relationships. A key step is intentionally developing our emotional intelligence -- and a major component of emotional intelligence is striving to improve our likeability with others. Why is likeability in leaders so important? Following are some reasons:
Employees that perceive their managers as likeable are more engaged, motivated, and loyal according to a UCLA study. Another study by Jack Zenger found that only one in 2,000 unlikeable leaders are considered effective. A survey of 2,000,000 employees at over 700 companies found that the number-one factor that determined the length of time they stayed at an organization was the employee’s relationship with their manager. A different survey found that 57% of employees have quit their jobs because they did not like their managers, and 32% have seriously considered leaving. A recent study found that 86% of employees believe that if they like their bosses, they are more productive. A report from Bain & Company found that good relationships between a manager and her employees can improve effectiveness, while poor relationships can hinder employee performance by a staggering 25% to 50%. Wow - likeability matters!
Twelve Tips to Improve Our Likeability
1. Be Positive. Are you most attracted to people that are negative and pessimistic or those that are generally positive and optimistic? The answer is obvious, and when we convey positivity, it influences others to react in the same way and helps create an environment that is motivating and enriching. Being positive includes what we convey with our words, actions, and attitude. Leadership expert John Maxwell spoke to the importance of a positive attitude when he said, “People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude.”
2. Be Friendly. Sounds obvious, but when we take the time to smile, greet, and make small talk with people, it makes a difference. Our team members are all under the stresses of life and work, so genuinely taking time to check in enhances our humanity and likeability. And taking time to regularly smile has been shown to improve our health and wellbeing and triggers positive responses in others. I appreciate the quote from broadcaster Vin Scully: “As long as you live keep smiling, because it brightens everybody’s day.”
3. Practice the Golden and Platinum Rules. A version of the Golden Rule is found in all the major religions of the world, and in a nutshell is about treating people positively like we would like to be treated. We know in general how the people we meet would like to be treated – such as with love not hate; kindness not harshness; respect not disrespect, etc. The Platinum Rule goes a step further for people that we know well. It encourages us to treat a person specially how they prefer to be treated. For example, one team member may like to receive praise in public, while another team member would much prefer to receive praise in private only.
4. Listen Actively. We all appreciate people who actively listen to what we have to say. Author Ralph Nichols spoke to that when he wrote, “The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood, the best way to understand people is to listen to them.” We can be an appreciated active listener by giving our full attention to others, paraphrasing what we hear, and asking clarifying questions.
5. Show Compassion and Empathy. We can put ourselves in our team members’ shoes and have compassion and empathy for their trials and tribulations – but also celebrate their accomplishments and successes. Having and showing true compassion may take time and effort, but the results are well worth it. People will respect us, and our likeability quotient will take an uptick!
6. Show Appreciation and Gratitude. After years of research, psychologist William James concluded that the number one need people have was the need to feel appreciated. We can regularly acknowledge the efforts and achievement of our individual team members as well as overall team success. A heartfelt simple “thank you” means a lot to people. We can layer on other expressions of appreciation - including emails and texts, written notes and cards, food, fun events, gift cards, and occasionally money.
7. Be Transparent, Authentic, and Vulnerable. Highly respected CEO Alan Mulally said, “Transparency is so important in business.” Even though it is not always easy to be transparent, Mother Teresa encouraged, “Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway.” To be likeable leaders we should be transparent, authentic, and avoid duplicity (being two-faced). We should admit mistakes, seek input from others, and show humility. When we model transparency and authenticity, we create a safe place for others to do likewise.
8. Be Available and Approachable. Author Ramanathan M said, “The best leaders are approachable and accessible. They are truly part of the team and not merely a figurehead.” How true! We can prioritize our time to ensure we are available to meet with our team members, including regular 1:1s and on an as-needed basis. Surveys have shown that employees appreciate their managers having an open-door philosophy and showing genuine interest in their concerns, ideas, and feedback without fear of judgement or reprisal.
9. Control Our Emotions. Psychologists use the term “emotional hijacking” to describe when a person loses emotional control and engages in behaviors like throwing things, screaming, or making people cry. Exploding at anyone, even if they might “deserve it,” can cause people to view us as unstable, intimidating, and unlikable. On the other hand, when we control our emotions even when someone wrongs us, we gain respect and our likeability increases.
10. Avoid Gossip and Slander. We look bad and are unattractive when we get carried away with gossiping. Wallowing in talk about another person’s misdeeds or misfortunes makes us look negative and small – and people may wonder what we say about them behind their backs! Likewise, slandering another person never turns out well and makes us look petty. Author Wentworth Dillon reminds us that, “words spoken can never be recalled.”
11. Be Open to Ask for Help. Researcher Adam Grant has found that when someone does a favor for us, they unconsciously justify why they are willing to help. For example, “she would help me if needed,” “I like her,” etc. The result is the person likes us better than before. Another benefit when we ask for help is it shows our humility, and humility is an attractive trait, isn’t it? I agree with this quote from President Obama: “Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit when you don't know something, and to learn something new.”
12. Balance Passion and Fun. Dr. Travis Bradberry has shared that people tend to gravitate toward those who are passionate because we find passion appealing. However, enthusiastic people can become too absorbed in their passions. The most likeable people balance their passion with an ability to have fun. Our goal is to be serious when needed, but also be friendly and take time to relax and have fun with people. Author Dale Carnegie counseled, “People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing”. And Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos once summed up his business philosophy as to work hard, have fun, and make history (i.e. make a difference).
John Hancock wrote, “The greatest ability in business is to get along with people and to influence their actions.” Improving our likeability will help us increase our influence and gain better results for us and the teams we lead!
